Monday, July 11, 2005

A Cold Arctic Wind

has been blowing over Massie Lodge the last few days. No, not from the ANZ Bank (that saga is finished now!), but from what feels like off the caps of the icebergs... funny to say that when we are very much inland and away from the coast.

Yesterday, Sunday, was a low day. It was overcast, the chilly winds blew straight through us as we were feeding up. Not a day to be fussing around outside. I bet the little ones were happy to have their thick woolly jackets on and to be in their shelters. We spent most of the day inside with the fire roaring. My brother and my nephew Adam were up from Sydney and they didnt move far from the fire's glowing embers.

I write today's journal entry with a heavy heart and a deep sadness. A year ago this Wednesday, my beautiful dog Jack passed on. I think back over his life, and the amount of happiness that he gave to others during his 12 years was boundless. I have many fond memories of Jack. I guess many memories come to mind as I sit here and go through his life in my mind.

The first day I met him. Jack was a rescue dog. At 6 months of age his owners wanted to get rid of him as he didnt fit in with their Mosman lifestyle. I remember going over to meet him. A curly black dog with a glint of mischief in his eyes. I knew from the first moment that I met him that he was to be my fate dog and that we would be mates for a long time.

I remember taking him to Dog Shows...and the day when he beat his champion father for Best in Breed. What a day that was!

I remember the many nights we would sit out on the back verandah at Cobbitty and just stare up at the stars.

I remember when Jack became a Delta Dog and we visited a nursing home every 2nd weekend. I would take his lead off at the door of the home and we would go around and visit all the old people. The joy that he brought to these people was imeasureable.

I think about his last day with me. Jack was getting on and he had trouble getting around. We had made a bed for him in front of the log fire and both Evan and I would take turns to just sit with him. Later that morning I took the other dogs down to the back dam for their walk. I was down to the start of the back paddock and I could hear someone approaching from behind. It was my mate Jack. He struggled to get to his feet and made himself come down for that last walk. Not only did he walk all the way down to the dam, he went into the dam and had a swim. I sat there and watched him swim around in the dam and just cried my eyes out. Many thoughts crossed my mind and I wondered how I could let my friend go after seeing him do what he loved best.

The rest of the day was very surreal. Kathy the vet coming out. Jack laying in my arms for the very last time. I know that I sat there and held him for many hours, crying my eyes out when he left us.

I sometimes see a glimmer of Jack through his son, Lancey, through a facial expression, or the way he carries my socks and shoes around with him.

I guess I get too attached to our animals - both the dogs and the horses, with poor Evan having to pick up the pieces. But I think that is what my gift is to them.

Many people say to me, not to get attached to the horses, but how can you not? They are all a personality in their own right and you get attached to their little ways. Yeah, yeah I know, Im just a softie at heart.

Wednesday will come and go and I will be at work, running around like a headless chook trying to manage things there.

Life just goes on, doesnt it?


Helen.

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